Before I continue I should probably clarify something. Yes Collin was married while I was dating him. He lived with the girl while I was dating him. I hung out with both of them before it came out that they where married. I never thought anything of it because Jen his wife was a lesbian. I do believe she was too. She would get ready go out on dates with girls and come back and tell us about it. But Collin never admitted they where married. It took a whole year from that point for him to admit it. But I’ll tell you all about that when we get there.
So back to the bus, remember me looking like a homeless person after the first night back with Collin since our breakup. Well I broke down ended up dating him again. He was like a drug, toxic but made me feel so good. Things were good for a while. He met my brother, my brother didn't like him. He could just tell Collin was not the guy for me. My brother's exact words "He doesn't get you." And my brother was right. Collin didn't get me. But there I was dating Collin trying so hard to make it work. It felt so good to feel loved I didn't want to lose that feeling.
Then one day I woke up next to him and felt all empty inside. I didn't feel anything. It was the strangest feeling ever. I didn't love him, hate him, nothing. I was stressed too. School was getting tough, I had 2 jobs and a boyfriend who I always ditched stuff to be with. I realized that was not right. I am a responsible person I don't skip class (that often) but with him I did.
I went to meet him at his work, we went for lunch and I was telling him about how busy I was, and he was grumbling about work. He was a natural pessimist and I am an optimist. Great match right. As I was talking about how busy the next month was going to be for me Collin said, "Are you breaking up with me." I really had not planned on it, I was going to rough it with him and try to make it work but the statement he just made gave me an out and I took it. After he lied to me about being married I lost trust in him, it weakened our bond. I wasn't sure I saw a future with us anymore. Once I said yes he kind of freaked. I saw the 3 faces of Collin first he was really sad "why!" there were tears. Then rage, his fist hit down on the table he looked at me like he was going to kill me. Naturally when he did that I jumped. Then he went into "it's okay, I understand." Then he would go through all 3 faces over and over asking me the same questions over and over. Yes he gave me an out, but I guess breaking up with him in a restaurant was not the best idea. I couldn't eat my food; I didn't know what to do next.
We drove in my car so I had to give him a ride home after. That was tense. We sat in silence then he asked if he could put a cd in. I said yes. So what did he play? Oh just God's Gonna Cut You Down by Johnny Cash. I was really scared now WTF! When I brought him home I realized I may never see him again and that my favorite tie blanket my mom made me was in his apartment, I know I should not have but I went in with him to get it, nothing bad happened to me, I stayed by the door because I was too scared to go all the way in. He brought me the blanket, I said goodbye. Once I closed the door I heard him scream (loud) "WHY!" I just started running. I have never been so scared.
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's down in the dark will be brought to the light
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Go tell that long tongue liar
Go and tell that midnight rider
Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
Tell 'em that God's gonna cut you down
3 comments on Part 5: The Boy is a Drug
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So his true colors finally showed, huh? It's goo though that you got rid of him!
~yaya
Well he was married to a lesbian, maybe their marriage was a marriage of convienence? Tax breaks and such? But he sounds a little mentally unbalanced to go through various emtions in such a short amount of time. If you were scared that should have been clue #1 to get the hell out of the situation right away. Sounds like he uses guilt and his emotions to control people and manipulate people. I dated a guy like this once and I'm still have to deal with him because he has yet to pay back a large debt to me.
The point is it takes a while for someone's true colors to show and fortunately, you aren't with him anymore? Please tell me you're not! In my opinion, your relationship with him was an infatuation, you were physically attracted to each other and had a sexual relationship. Other than that, what do you have? Does he care about you and would do anything that you asked if you needed help? Are you the first person he goes to when he needs to talk or wants to hang out with?
All I know is from what you said it looks like the relationship you had with Collin could have very easily turned into an abusive one. Watch for mood swings and obsessive/controlling behavior. How your body reacts to him can even give you a clue that he is not a safe person to be around. If you body reacts in fear, then you know he is not someone you need to be around. Besides, he wasn't right for you. An optimistic person can only deal with a pessimist for so long.
Good luck girl! ;)
Wow! You hit the nail on the head with that one!!!