Part 9: I Saw the Sign and it...Just Made Me Miss Him More.

After I sent the email I really thought Collin would respond. But a month went by and nothing. I was missing him so much and everywhere I went I saw his name. For a lot of reasons, like him or someone that knows him finding this. I have changed his name out of respect. His name is not really Collin it's actually something much more common and used in a lot of things. His last name is used in a lot of things as well. So everywhere I looked I was constantly reminded of him.

I would be in the car and a song would come on and it would be one he loved, and I would think of him then turn and next to me is a truck that had his name plastered on the side... yada yada constriction company.

His name is used in a lot of businesses. Law firms, construction companies, real estate, there is even a potato company. I would (still) see these signs everyday. There was even a time when I turned and looked and saw a sign for a company that said "Collin" Construction building lasting relationships. That took the cake.

I was at a movie and it was a tragic love story. It made me really sad. I got to the point where I had to get out of there just for a bit. I went to use the bathroom. iIt was a huge bathroom with about 10 stalls. I manage to pick the one that has I love "Collin" written really big on the back of the door. I lost it. I thought is this some kind of sign? How can I ever move on if I am constantly reminded of him everyday? I am stuck with the memory of him, missing him, and seeing his name everywhere and knowing he doesn't want me. And I don't hate him or have any anger to get me through missing him. It hurt a lot. I'd never felt like this before. At the same time I can understand him not wanting me anymore. It happens people get sick of people and that's it. The heart wants what it wants. I had excepted that but I also was wishing and hoping deep down inside that I was the most wonderful and unique girl he'd ever met and everyday we where apart he was thinking of me and missing me like I was missing him. But if that where true we would be together because he would have come back to me, he's the one that left. So as much as I wanted to believe that because it just made it easier to cope deep down I knew I was full of shit.

I got home after the movie and was feeling like I really needed to express how I was feeling talk about how crazy it was that I keep seeing his name everywhere all over and how I thought about him everyday, several times throughout the day. So I wrote about it in my journal. I remember writing in there that I wanted to talk to him so badly, I couldn't take it anymore I just need to talk to him.

The next day when I checked my email there it was, an email from Collin. I couldn't believe it. I could hardly click on it my hand was so shaky, I was freaking out inside. I couldn't believe I was going to have some kind of contact with him after so long, after going through all these extreme emotions I had never felt before.

He wrote back to thank me for such a nice email. He said he never checks his hotmail account anymore but was up late surfing the internet and felt compelled to check it. Ok at the same time he was roaming the internet I was up late, writing in a high emotional state about how much I wanted to talk to him! Did his subconscious here me? Sometimes things are just two perfect to be a coincidence. So he went on about how he couldn't believe I remembered him talking about what kind of stroller he was going to get his nephew and this and that. He said he was really happy to see my email... I'm surprised my keyboard still works because I am pretty sure my heart melted all over it.

We started talking again and it didn't take long before we talked about meeting up. I wanted to see him so bad. I would have gone to see him they day he replied to my email if he would have asked. I missed him so much I just wanted to be with him.

Over some phone conversations it came out that he moved in with Kristy and things we not going too well. Turns out she cheated on him, then dumped him and now she was in the process of moving out. Funny how things work that way.

Well I ended up going to see him, and if someone would have told me what the future of that night held for me I would have never believed them...no way.